colorful doors

When to Quit, When to Stay | Mary R. Snyder, Episode 50

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When to Quit, When to Stay | Mary R. Snyder – Transcript:

Hey there and welcome to the, even if podcast, I’m your host, Kristi Lowe and I’m so glad you’re here. If you’ve ever quit something or been ready to quit. You’ve probably ask yourself questions. Like when do I quit? When do I stay? Is God releasing me from this or am I just burned out? Joining me today is Mary R. Snyder. With over 20 years on the stage behind the stage and booking others onto the stage. Mary is this unique combination of message craft, master, and event business expert. She’s also lived enough life to know that sometimes, you want to quit? And sometimes, you know, it’s time to say goodbye to a season of life. Maybe, you know, that feeling too. Mary and her podcast take the stage has been a huge blessing to me. And I can’t wait for you to meet my friend. Her wit and humor are just what we need today is she shares various experiences from what it’s like when you aren’t ready to leave but God has called you out, or staying when God tells you it isn’t a time to go. Enjoy a few laughs along the way today because life with Mary is anything but dull. In between that Southern accent and occasional sarcasm are bits of wisdom we can use and apply right where we are. So without further ado, Let’s dive in.

Kristi:

I’m here today with the wonderful Mary Snyder, she has generously agreed to spend some time with us because Mary confided in. something that kind of caught me off guard and I went, Oh my gosh, you have to come on my podcast and talk about this because this is exactly what, you, many of you have talked about that you need to hear. So we’re talking today about what we do whenever we feel like we need to quit. And so Mary, thank you so much for joining us. I am so very glad you were here.

Mary Snyder:

Oh, Kristi, thank you so much for having me. And I feel like, so I’m the token quitter.

Kristi:

No, you’re not.

Mary Snyder:

feel like that’s what I am. And I’m okay with that.

Kristi:

You are not a total. Okay. We have all quit things in life. All of us have quit things. Okay. But I think I need to give our listeners a little bit of background how you and how our paths intersected because. I went to a podcast conference in Dallas last summer and When I went you were the emcee for one of the sessions I was at you said something about oh, I have a podcast about speakers and and Me not I’m not I mean, I’ve been in real estate I’m not a speaker. And I was like, I think I need to listen to her podcast. We’ll start listening to it. I end up speaking at some events. And before I know it, Mary and I are besties and she just doesn’t even realize it. and so, and I say that. Tongue in cheek to my listeners who, who don’t understand that Mary is a hoot y’all. She is a hoot and a holler, not just a hoot. She’s a hoot and a holler. And so, Mary was able to help. I mean, you really have, you’ve helped me learn a lot about speaking. A lot about the speaking life. but your podcast has been something that I have personally listened to for now, well over a year. And I would be willing to bet I’ve listened to almost every episode you’ve put out. And that’s a lot of episodes sister. but we met at a conference again this past summer, we were at another conference together, and you told me that you were thinking about quitting podcasting.

Mary Snyder:

I was. It was, I was 130 episodes in, Kristi, and I mean, how many times can I say things about how to be a speaker? I feel like I’ve said it all. But, I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt, is God works through His people. And you were one of the first people that I met. We met on day one, and one of the first conversations you were talking about the podcast, and I think I looked at you and go, well, I’m thinking about quitting. I just didn’t feel like I had anything else to say. Now, did, did, can I tell them the deal we made?

Kristi:

Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Mary Snyder:

so, y’all, we made a deal. I told her I would keep doing it if she would send me ideas. for what to talk about, which she did. And some of them were fabulous. Some of them weren’t. Some of them weren’t good. But some of them were fabulous. Some of them I just went, yeah, that’s, that’s nice. Let somebody else talk about that. but some of them were really incredibly good. Things I had not thought about, like, what do you do after a conference. What should you be doing afterwards? I’m doing one coming up on retreats because I’ve never talked about the power of retreats for a speaker. And I think they’re very important and powerful. So I’m doing that. So it’s really helped me get outside of my own head. by listening to the ideas you’re sending me. So I appreciate that. And you and a couple of other people that I met were like, yeah, I love your podcast. I just found it. I’m like, where y’all been? Where y’all been? Cause I’ve been doing this for a while, but I realized that even though I’ve been doing it for a while, it’s still brand new to some people.

Kristi:

Mm hmm.

Mary Snyder:

And so I’m going to keep going. Until the Lord says stop.

Kristi:

hmm. Mm hmm. Okay, so How long had you been at that place where you were like, I, I think I just want to quit?

Mary Snyder:

I had been at that place for about three months.

Kristi:

Okay.

Mary Snyder:

I was, I was about three months in to wrestling with, do I have anything else to say? And, going back through I don’t know how everyone does their podcast. you know, Kristi, you probably have some big fancy way of keeping up with past episodes. Mine are kinda like, I go look through my, feed. on like my podcast feed on Apple Podcasts. That’s how fancy I am. So I like to, I can look back and see what I talked about this year. And I feel that’s just as, that’s as good as I’m going to get because I’m not going back to 22. Because Mary of 2022 is not Mary of 2023. And Mary of 2020 who started this little adventure. Y’all, we’ve all changed since 2020. We’ve lived a whole different life is what we’ve had. so,

Kristi:

started a speaking by the way, the, the listeners who don’t know you, you started a speaking podcast for speakers and the speaking stage in 2020 during COVID, like when we were all stuck at home, which I love. I think that’s hilarious. Just God’s irony. Yeah. Yes,

Mary Snyder:

well, the thing is… The thing is, is I didn’t even get the irony for about two years. I mean, I literally did not get it until I was telling someone. I said, yeah. So the reason I started the podcast is I worked in live events and everybody had lost all their bookings. So I started this podcast called take the stage when nobody was taking anybody’s stage. And as I said it, I said, isn’t God funny? Because I didn’t even realize that was ironic so, it’s, it’s, it’s okay.

Kristi:

It’s

Mary Snyder:

It gave us, it gave us all something to do and work

Kristi:

God bless her.

Mary Snyder:

God bless her. Just bless her.

Kristi:

Bless her heart. Do y’all say that? You’re from Alabama.

Mary Snyder:

we do say, and if I say that, that is not a kind statement.

Kristi:

No.

Mary Snyder:

That as Southerners, we know how to, we know how to turn a phrase. It’s like if you wear something that maybe is not, Maybe I don’t love. I might call it a brave choice.

Kristi:

Yes. Yes, sometimes I’ll say, well, that’s very interesting.

Mary Snyder:

an interesting choice.

Kristi:

that is so very interesting. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I, when I was preparing for this episode, I gotta be honest with you, there’s no way to actually prepare for an episode with the great Mary R. Snyder because you never know if you’re gonna end up talking about bras or work, which is what we kind of bonded over to begin

Mary Snyder:

have one on right now. I bought

Kristi:

you got one? So proud.

Mary Snyder:

I do and I’m wearing it and let me tell you, my life has been changed. Thank

Kristi:

I mean, I’m glad that I could change your life like you have changed my life. Yes. Well, yeah, we bonded over, I was sharing with her something, I don’t even know how it came up, but somehow it came up about how she needed this particular kind of bra. And I’m not a sponsor for this bra company, so we’ll just let them remain anonymous. However, she is now. Seen the ways and, yeah. Anyways, but back to seriousness, because, you know, we can feed off of each other like nobody’s business. and you’re one of those people, you get my sarcastic humor, which is fabulous. I wish everybody Yes,

Mary Snyder:

Not everybody gets us.

Kristi:

No, they don’t. And that’s okay. I’m an acquired taste. And that’s, that’s okay. I’m really okay with being an acquired taste.

Mary Snyder:

am

Kristi:

Um, yeah. Okay. So, all right. Talk to me though. Let’s talk, let’s talk about this. Okay. Because you decided you were going to quit. Okay. And I suspect there are many of us, myself included, I don’t think it necessarily has to be just a job. It could be a relationship. It could be a situation they’re in. It could be the church they’re going to. Their volunteer position. I mean, you know, there could be a lot of things that people are thinking about quitting. And when we think about quitting, I think that we get, I think that Christian culture a lot of times puts a lot of guilt on us if we are in any kind of a ministry of any kind. Like the Sunday school teacher who’s burned out, you know. Is quitting always a bad thing?

Mary Snyder:

No, I think it’s a seasonal thing. I think everything has a season I don’t believe that this podcast will last another five years I know that I sat down with the Lord and it was very clear I am to do it to the end of the year and I’m taking the month of December off Because I think that’s just a time when people aren’t listening as much and life is busy So I’m gonna take the month off, but I’ve been the girl who stayed too long I’ve been the one who should have left the position, because here’s the problem, Kristi, if we hold on too long, we’re taking up a space that’s meant for someone else.

Kristi:

Yeah.

Mary Snyder:

And it’s one of the things that I want to be sure that if I’m supposed to leave, then someone’s supposed to come

Kristi:

Mm.

Mary Snyder:

fill that space that the Lord has allowed, or maybe for a season it’s not. But. It’s like in church when you mention church and listen there was a season my husband and I had the two year olds that they were actually between the twos and the, they were out of the toddler stage but not to the preschool stage. I refer that to my season in Hades, but I don’t use that word.

Kristi:

mm.

Mary Snyder:

I love children mostly, mostly if other people are taking care of them. Um, unless they’re my children or grandchildren and these were not mine. And they were very opinionated little people. Like one time I brought whales instead of goldfish and they flat out told me those were subpar goldfish. And I was like, well, isn’t this fancy? So

Kristi:

Today’s lesson is about gratitude, children.

Mary Snyder:

bougie bunch of kids!(Laughter)

Kristi:

my son has an Amazon shipment every other week of those big, huge goldfish boxes. He’s almost 17 and he still eats goldfish like they are going out of style. So I just have Amazon subscribe and save. They just come to my house every other week. There’s a big old box of them. He goes through them. I never run out. And so thank you Jesus for Amazon. but not whales. No, ma’am. Not

Mary Snyder:

are subpar. They, they are subpar, but typically three year olds are not aware of that as a tip. So anyway, there was a season when we did that. Now, I did it because that is my husband’s love language. It is not mine. We did it for 18 months. I know exactly how many days that is and it was time to go, we had to Step out before someone stepped in and the guilt of the church is that we have officially abandoned all children. Hear me if you’re listening to me and you’re in a place they’re like, well, you can’t quit because we don’t have anybody. You listen to what God tells you to do because if you’re showing up to serve and you are angry and you are ill, that is not who needs to be serving, particularly the little children that needed the goldfish. Or anyone and that includes Bible study. I’ve led Bible study when my heart wasn’t right and I wasn’t blessing anyone. Now God will use it because he even worked through a talking donkey. but we have to know when it’s time to go.

Kristi:

We do. And you thought, you thought it was your time to go, which is why we’re here today. But ultimately, you, you knew, you, you decide it wasn’t, which I’m personally grateful for. And everybody else who listens to your podcast here’s my question. And I, I don’t know the answer to this. Sometimes I try to prep people, but Mary told me she didn’t read the notes I sent her. So, uh, she gets, I can ask her anything. I have permission to ask anything I want. My question really is. Did you feel like what you were doing was making a difference, or were you tired, or what, what was it, because I think sometimes if we think we’re not making a difference, that can often lead us to go, well, maybe I shouldn’t even be doing this.

Mary Snyder:

that’s exactly where I was. And the, the struggle with anything in ministry is oftentimes we’re doing it in a vacuum. Because a podcast is going out and I don’t know, I can see who downloads it. I mean, not individually, I don’t know who you are, but I can see how many people have downloaded it. But I don’t hear from them. So not hearing. I just was like, is this even making a difference anymore? Does anyone care now? A lot? That’s on me because I had gone through what I call the dark season.

Kristi:

Mm hmm.

Mary Snyder:

where I’m not out speaking. There’s no conferences. I’m not on the road. That’s a hard season. Because you are pulled out of that, usually happens from about November until the early part of the summer. So that’s a long stretch in there. But I think for people like us, speakers, people who are ministering, We have to get in a place where we can be with our people. When I was an itinerant speaker, I was on the road more. So I was out with people more now that I’m a teacher and a coach and a storyteller, I work more with either I’m working with corporate clients, or actually I work with nonprofit and corporate clients. So that’s one type of relationship. But my speakers, I typically only see at conferences. And those tend to cluster in the summer months. I, I don’t know, why does everybody want to do them in the summer? Why is that?

Kristi:

There were like three this year that were all on the same week and I was like, well, we have to pick one. So,

Mary Snyder:

I’m gonna do mine six months later. I just need you to know, it’ll be six months. So,

Kristi:

Just, it’s like we need a revival in the middle of the year for,

Mary Snyder:

yeah, well that would be December, so that’s not the best time, but maybe January.

Kristi:

Yeah,

Mary Snyder:

January is a great time, particularly if we have it at the beach.

Kristi:

Oh, you could do it. Any day, and I would go to the beach, as it turns out. My squad goal in life is to actually live on the beach someday. Um,, I live, I, I don’t care, but if I got to choose, it would probably be somewhere on 30A in Florida. Like, right there, the beautiful, like, I don’t, I don’t care. It could be the ugliest beach in the world, but it’d still be

Mary Snyder:

Well, Alabama, just so your listeners know, I’m just going to do a little tourism plug for Alabama. Alabama has some of the prettiest beaches in the… Lower 48. And 30A is very much like that. 30A is just down from Alabama, across the state line. That, that Gulf Coast is my dream. And that’s what I love. So,

Kristi:

Yes. Okay. Well, we could be neighbors when we retire if you want to.

Mary Snyder:

I’m in, I’m totally

Kristi:

Okay. Okay. So One of the things I heard you say just a second ago when you were talking, you were like, well, it was, you were talking about how it was a season. Okay. And I’m going to go back to that because I think we have to know when to quit, when it’s time to quit, but I think that there is something about understanding that everything has a season and that there is a time, there is a time to persevere in something if you don’t think the Lord has Released you from it, but I think the key on that is, is praying through what it is that the Lord is, is directing you to. Is this the end of a season, or are you just burned out?

Mary Snyder:

is it time to walk out? And I think that, for me, that’s always been the hardest thing to do. Because I typically, when I do something, I go all in, 110%. And I was, I still am all in. But, and had I really prayed about it? No. I was just lonely. Now, I’ll be honest with you, Kristi, I was in a, a job, in a career, and God was very clear, it’s time to go, and I was like, yeah, I don’t think so. This went on for two years, to the point of my own detriment. To the point that I literally had a door shut in my face, and I don’t mean figuratively, like, I walked into a room and someone pushed me out and said, We don’t need you here and pulled the door closed. And that was the sign. That was, and I literally heard the Lord say, Do you get it now?

Kristi:

Oh my

Mary Snyder:

like, Oh yeah, I guess, I guess it’s time to go. And it was such a great thing. I mean, it was hard, don’t get me wrong. A lot of tears, a lot of, unkind words, um, had a very dear friend that walked with me through that season and she said, Do you see it now? You need to go. This is not where you need to be. It’s no longer healthy. This is a toxic place for you. Didn’t mean it was toxic for everyone. It was toxic for me. I left, best decision I ever made, and ended up where I needed to be and in just a great season. Now, I recently left a job. I had been with for almost eight years. I worked with a major ministry, Compassion International, and I didn’t want to leave. And I spent months praying about it because first of all, it’s really good and they send you a paycheck every two weeks like clockwork. I mean, just like clockwork.

Kristi:

Wow! That’s…

Mary Snyder:

It’s fun. It’s fun. And I love the mission and I loved what I was doing. Now, what I was doing had changed a lot because I was in live events. I was a live event producer. I coached speakers to stand on stage and talk about compassion. Months, I could not sleep. I, if you’ve ever had anxiety and I’m not an anxious person, I would wake up and it’s the first thing that hit my brain. Do I quit? I finally had the gumption and it truly was what it was and that’s the Lord. I was talking to my boss I was pitching him this whole new idea for me to do for the organization. And he loved the idea. He said, Mary, it’s a great idea. He said, but it’s not going to fly right now because. You know, we just come out of covid. A lot of things were going on and I paused and I said, well, what if I just quit and I did it on the side and I almost threw up when I said that because

Kristi:

fall out of your

Mary Snyder:

it fell out of my mouth. I think the, I think the Holy Spirit kicked it out. and the minute I said it immediately, I was like, oh, my gosh, yeah. And then I was like, Oh, okay, it’s time to go. We talked about it and he said, I want you to pray about this. I want you to make sure this is, this is a big, big decision. I said, you’re right. And I mean, health insurance, let’s talk about all the things. And so I told him, I said, okay, I’ve been praying about it. I said, okay, I’m gonna let you know Thursday. Well, Tuesday I called him and I said, I’ve made my decision. He said, well, I thought it was going to be Thursday. I said, yeah, apparently that was just me. The Lord had nothing to do with Thursday. He was not invested in Thursday. So once I made the decision, I never felt one bit of anxiousness about it. It was. It was exactly what I was, I was supposed to quit that. That was where it was time to walk away. And they’re doing beautifully. The person that took my position is doing wonderfully and everything’s great. As far as the podcast, I was just lonely and this is what I want to encourage your. If you’re lonely, invite somebody in. Get you a Kristi Lowe to text you a meme every once in a while. Get that person in your life that you can say, Hey, this is rough. Tell me if I’m making a difference. Because here’s the thing, in this world we’re in, particularly in the speaking, writing, podcasting, Christian communication world. People really don’t get us. I mean, I’ve been married to my husband for thirty something years. Let’s not get technical. Thirty one, thirty two. It’s thereabouts.

Kristi:

Wow. You were a child bride.

Mary Snyder:

I was a baby. I was an infant.

Kristi:

Yeah.

Mary Snyder:

I was, I was betrothed in the cradle. Um,

Kristi:

Ah. Crib betrothals.

Mary Snyder:

If, crib betrothals. They’re big here in the South. No, they’re not. Do not write that down. Um, it’s not a thing. It’s how Rumors get started. But to this day that man, if somebody ask him what I do, he will go, well I’m not real sure. But she travels a lot. I could be an international spy. I

Kristi:

You might be,

Mary Snyder:

I’m,

Kristi:

I wondered, I kind of wondered if you were, I wasn’t, I mean, I kind of had you on the podcast just so I could see if you really were, but apparent turns out you’re really good at your undercover

Mary Snyder:

I’m excellent at it.

Kristi:

You are absolutely,

Mary Snyder:

actually, I’m actually not even from the south. I’m from Brooklyn.

Kristi:

This is literally, you are my favorite. Can I just tell you? I just adore you. My gosh, we are gonna, like, I knew going, I knew this was going to be the highlight of my day. Because my love, you were amazing. And what I keep hearing you say is you need people if we’re lonely. I think that one of the things I’ve realized is that sometimes whenever you said that about as soon as you knew it was time to quit and the words fell out of your mouth, I think sometimes God withholds that peace. You know that peace that the Holy Spirit gives us when we know we’re doing the right thing? we struggled, we wrestled, for about a year and a half with leaving the church we had been at for, Our kids whole lives loved the people it was not some dramatic, horrible thing, but we sensed the Lord. He had shut the door. He had told us it was time to go. it was not because of the people there. But we knew that what he was calling us, he had called us to go in a different direction and we wanted to honor the Lord with that, but we drug our feet for a good six months.

Mary Snyder:

Yeah.

Kristi:

Because we didn’t we didn’t want to have to just say we love you guys We knew they would take it personally we knew it or we thought You’re gonna you’re gonna see this as an a you know in a front and it’s not we love you But we know that the season has come to an end so but as soon as we did he ushered in this peace and the Confirmation you’ve done the right thing

Mary Snyder:

Yeah.

Kristi:

It didn’t make it necessarily any easier, but I think sometimes when we refuse to quit, we are, well, we’re being disobedient. You know, you’re being disobedient when God tells you to do something and you don’t do it. Doesn’t matter what it is. Quit, stay, heal, you know, roll over, whatever.

Mary Snyder:

the things. All the

Kristi:

All the things as our dog, as Rufus sleeps behind. He’s been such a good dog today. I’m so proud of him. Rufus is being such a good boy today. but yeah, like, When we don’t, when we don’t obey him, just the lack of peace that we have, and do you, did you feel a lack of peace whenever you had said, okay, I’m out? Like with, with quitting the podcast. Let me make

Mary Snyder:

No, no, I

Kristi:

No.

Mary Snyder:

I was wrestling. I was wrestling with it and I wasn’t wrestling with God. I was talking to a group of people about quitting and they’re like, yeah, you could quit. I mean, you could just like run all the episodes or you could just do this or you could do that. In fact, I had told my podcast editor, Hey, I am through September the 11th and apparently I chose that as my end date. I mean, because, you know, let’s go out in a dramatic sweep. Yeah, well,

Kristi:

ma’am.

Mary Snyder:

but, I got back from that conference and I emailed her and I said, I’m not done. But once I made the decision to stay, it’s when the peace came.

Kristi:

Well, personally, I’m so glad that you listened to what God was trying to get your attention toward. I’m really, I’m equally grateful that you were willing to come and just be vulnerable in the podcast and say, Hey, this is what I went through. And this is where I am because I know, I know people. They struggle with knowing when to quit, how to quit, should I quit, should I not, and then the guilt that often comes with it. And your candor is always so very welcome on this podcast. You’re, you’re the best, Mary Snyder. You really are. You have been a gift and a blessing to me I mean like, I could not be doing this without some of the things that you have given me, you’ve given me tools, I know you have given countless others tools, you’re just a gift and a joy, you’re just a joy.

Mary Snyder:

Thank you so much for saying that. I, I truly appreciate it and I do not take it lightly. I am so. blessed, let me just go into Christian white women syndrome here, but I am truly blessed that I get to, I know, but

Kristi:

just snorted.

Mary Snyder:

that’s what Christian white women say, particularly old Christian white women. Um, it’s, I mean, I get to do this. I do not take it lightly that I get to use the experiences God allowed me to, to have over this last many, many years, many, many, many, many. And probably even another many. And I get to help people do what God’s called them to do. I don’t take it lightly. So, thank you.

Kristi:

Oh, thank you. I appreciate you. guys, I will link Mary’s podcast for any of you who are want tips on, on your speaking career, or if you are a public speaker, there’s a lot of people who do public speaking, teachers, administrators, You know, anyone in the workforce, a lot of you have to stand up and give presentations and speak. And if you want to be better at it, I can tell you who you need to listen to. And it is absolutely 1000 percent Mary Snyder. And so I’ll link her show in our show notes for everybody. And, uh, Mary, thank you. I, I really do. I keep saying thank you. I keep saying it, but I just mean it, um, please, if you decide to quit again, I want you to know this. If the Lord releases you from it, then you will have no bigger supporter. And if you ever need a cheerleader until he does set you into that next season and open that door into the next season, all you have to do is say, Kristi, I need some more podcast ideas.

Mary Snyder:

I need some love. I need some love.

Kristi:

I need some more podcast ideas. And I’m all, I’m a little timid to text you and be

Mary Snyder:

You text

Kristi:

Mary, I had another. Well, I keep, I really do. I’ll, I’ll come up with an idea and I’m like, she’s going to think I’m a fricking stalker.

Mary Snyder:

I don’t

Kristi:

Hey, what are we? I know, but you’re just as precious as they come. So until…

Mary Snyder:

please text me anytime. I’ll just ignore it if I don’t want it.

Kristi:

That’s

Mary Snyder:

And here’s the deal, my phone, my

Kristi:

sound like my children.

Mary Snyder:

yeah I am, my phone’s been turned on silent since 2018 and it’s never going to bother me. I mean people are like, I don’t want to bother you, I’m like, girl, I got the do not disturb on it most of the time, I don’t even know how to get it off half the time. I’m like, I’m like, why is that on there, because something’s on your calendar and it’s automatically linked, so you text me anytime, I love getting texts from you.

Kristi:

you’re adorable. Well, come back on the show sometime. Hey, I’ll tell you what, come back on the show when God does. Close the door and he, I really mean this. I would love to do a follow up episode with you whenever the Lord does end this season. And let’s talk about that whenever, whenever that comes. I would love that.

Mary Snyder:

Absolutely.

Kristi:

All right. Well, friends, thanks so much for being here. Y’all are awesome. I hope you have enjoyed this conversation as much as I have because she’s one of my favorite humans, and I’m just grateful for her time today. And as always, guys, if you have questions or you want to reach out, I’d love for you guys, if you haven’t already subscribed to the show, please go ahead, subscribe, like it. It sure does help us. and then you don’t ever miss an episode, especially whenever someone like Mary Snyder comes on to share her wit and wisdom. So thanks for being here and good Lord willing, I will see you guys next week.

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