If I had to pick a professional wrestling name, it would have to be Killer Miller. One of my favorite friends in the whole world, Lara (Lanier) Pitt called me “Killer Miller” when we were in grade school. (Miller was my maiden name. Killer Miller was an affectionate term because I was such a beast of a basketball player. I’m laughing. I was horrible at basketball. I’m not really sure why she started calling me that, but it makes me laugh nonetheless:)
So, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Killer Miller, and I’m a wrestler.
And I may have Cauliflower Ear before this wrestling match is settled. For those not attuned to the wrestling world, Cauliflower Ear is when a wrestler’s ear gets swollen from blows to the ear during a fight.
And I’m ok with that.
Because I’ve decided to be a wrestler.
Wrestler – a noun, meaning one who wrestles.
You know, Jacob wrestled. (Genesis 32)
I’m no Jacob, but I’m definitely a wrestler. And the past few days have felt like a non-stop wrestling match as I keep falling face first before the One who knew, saw, & allowed putrid acts of evil to be carried out….and wrestle with the words, “WHY?”
More tears have fallen on my children’s heads this week than ever…because every time I hug them, tears sting my eyes. I am yet to shake the gut wrenching images and heartbreaking stories. The continuous stream of reporting is suffocating. And as I sit here, trying to process the unthinkable, I am feeling more and more like a wrestler than ever before.
It’s not anger, bitterness or contempt shouting, “WHERE WERE YOU?!”, because I know where He was. I know the Lord and a host of angels fought against darkness that day. I know He spared hundreds. I believe He wept as those babies were taken by a force of evil. I know too, He welcomed them in His arms, and healed them completely in His presence. Furthermore, I believe they are preparing for the best Christmas their sweet eyes have ever seen, a display of Holy Splendor as the Christ child’s birth is celebrated in the heavenlies.
I don’t dare ask Him where he was that day.
I know where He was.
He was there.
And so was Evil.
Do not be deceived – the very real Evil that darkened the doors of that school last week wants nothing – NOTHING – more than to destroy the Light within you.
Because you, crippled, angry, bitter, cannot have an impact on the Kingdom of God.
“Don’t become a cripple by wrestling with the ways of God, but be someone who wrestles before God with the things of this world. Wrestling before God makes an impact in His kingdom. Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength.” -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
Oh friend, I beg you, do not “lazily give up”. Conversation after conversation during the past few days has had me thinking about what we do next. Where do we go from here? And I think some of us may need a swift kick back into the wrestling ring. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to wash my hands of Hope, or walk away from the ones who haven’t heard about Jesus yet. And frankly, after the events of the past week, my heart yearns for more and more of us to share the life of Jesus to others – because this world is dark. And we have got to come together in this.
If we want to see evil defeated, it won’t be because the House and Senate passed legislature. It won’t be because we install better security in schools or make more rules. (Although, in all fairness, I feel sure there will be valid conversations about those very things in the near future).
No, the only way the darkness will be pushed back is if we wrestle. We must flat-out beg the Lord to invade the deepest places of our lives. More than ever, pray. Ask for the audacious things, like restoration of relationships, healing of hearts, wisdom for our nation’s leaders, and for hundreds and hundreds of lost souls to be told of Jesus Christ’s redeeming, transforming power. And frankly, we need God-given strength to bear up under the days ahead.
The only way to push back the Darkness is to the let the Light shine brighter.
He has called us to take up the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:13), and fight for the Hope that was placed in you. And if we are to push back against that which has come so viciously against us, we need to have time before the Lord to sort things out. Things of this nature need counseling. Thankfully, we don’t have to wrestle the Lord about His ways, but I think it is necessary to take the blows this world is dealing us and put them at His feet.
Wrestle before Him against the root of bitterness, against the urge to be cynical, or the inner rage against each other over differing opinions. Wrestle before Him for holiness in your home and your life, for the hearts of your children, for their innocence, their purity. Fight for the marriage you are in and the spouse you are joined to. Wrestle against the urge to retreat, to hide, to cower in the face of difficult times.
If we give up, Darkness wins. If we give up, the innocent eyes looking at us will have no Light to show them the way.
Wrestle before the Lord.
I just beg of you, do not give up.