I cried at Mardel today…

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As most of you know by now, I am a mess. A good mess, but a mess, nonetheless. I told a friend over lunch today about my bible, how it doesn’t have a Table of Contents anymore, half of Malachi is missing, and there are more pages taped than I can count.

And yet.

I just haven’t been able to bring myself to buy another one. Seemed silly, since I had everything I needed. Except Malachi. God bless Malachi.

But today was the day. And, just because I am real here, I have to admit I kept it all together cried when the cashier asked me how I was doing at Mardel. My heart is so full, so tender. I couldn’t keep it all in. I really meant to. I didn’t mean to cry. But the tears welled up, spilled over. Bless her heart, I am certain she thought I was a nut. I kind of am. Who else cries when she checks out at Mardel on a Monday afternoon?!

But alas, I got to my car. I sat there for a few minutes, looking at it. I wondered what adventures await as I unpack Truth in this new bible. I took a moment to hold the pages of the new one. Bless those sweet gold edges, the soft brown cover. All I could think of was all I had been through during the past 11 years with Big Blue (the old bible), and wonder what this new Bible will see me through.

Our first years of marriage covered that old bible. My first in-depth bible study (Breaking Free, Beth Moore). Prayers over pregnancies, miscarriages, births, new-motherhood. Verses I clung to when John’s mom was sick, when the Lord, in His tender mercy, took her home. There are maps that Meredith “colored” for me during church when she was two. Proverbs, Psalms, whole chapters I have highlighted, circled, and claimed more times than I can count. That bible has seen me through so many ups and downs, jobs, family, friends, and more quiet times than I can count.

Lord, I am asking you boldly to display your splendor and glory as I dive into this new Bible. Meet me there, would you? Fill me with your wisdom and truth, open my eyes to these pages in a way I haven’t seen before. And Lord, thank you for the bible you gave me 11 years ago. Thanks for going with me through all of it. Some of it was tough, some of it was trying, but ultimately, it was all beautiful because of YOU. I love you Lord. So much. Amen.

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